در دوستی ها,رفتارها تصنعی است
بیشتر ما آدم ها,برای مان مهم است که دیگران در مورد ما چه نظروقضاوتی دارند وبراین اساس,غالبا سعی می کنیم در نگاه و نظر دیگران خوب جلوه کنیم.برای همین گاهی رفتارهای ما در خلوت هایمان با نوع رفتارهایمان در محیطهای بیرونی که ما را می شناسند متفاوت است.یعنی ممکن است من در منزل فردی بی اعتنا به عفت کلام باشم,اما در محل کاریاتحصیل به گونه ای رفتار کنم که همه مرا فردی مودب تصور کنند.این تمایل به نشان دادن رفتارهاوگفتارهای خوب,در مورد کسانی که نظرشان برای مان مهم است یا دوستشان داریم بسیار بیشتر و پررنگ تر است.
وقتی دختر و پسری با هم دوست هستند,این تمایل به خوب جلوه کردن به اوج خودمی رسد.دختروپسر ناخودآگاهانه می خواهند به گونه ای رفتار کنند که از نظر دیگری باعاطفه و مهربان, وفادار, جذاب, دوست داشتنی, توانمند, مسئولیت پذیر, سخاوتمند و فوق العاده باشند.در حقیقت,هرکدام رفتاری را پیشه می کند که از نظر دیگری مورد تایید و تحسین باشد.
خنده دار(شاید هم تاسف آور)اینجاست که همین دختروپسریکه با هم دوست هستند,می خواهند از تماشای همین رفتارهای غیرواقعی,مجازی و تصنعی,پی به شخصیت واقعی طرف مقابل ببرند.اصلا چنین چیزی امکان دارد؟!
پسری با دوست دخترش به پیتزافروشی رفته اند(ظاهرا پیتزا یکی از ارکان این دوستی هاست!)و دور یک میز مقابل هم نشسته اند.دختر سرش را به این طرف آن طرف می چرخاند,گویا دنبال چیزی می گردد.
پسر:دنبال چیزی می گردی؟
چیزی می خوای؟
پسر یکباره بلند می شود و از آن آقا که پشت پیشخوان مغازه ایستاده سس می گیرد و مقابل دوست دخترش می گذارد.
دختر تشکر می کند و در حالی که اولین برش پیتزا را در دهانش می گذارد و با نگاهی سرشار از مهر,دوست پسرش را نگاه می کند به فکر می رود:“چقدر مهربان!چقدر در خدمت!هنوز من نگفته و نخواسته,ازجا می پرد!“
این دختر غافل از این است که این همان پسری است که صبح وقتی مادرش می گوید برو نان تازه بخر,روی تخت می غلتد و می گوید:“حس اش نیست,حالشو ندارم.“
این همان پسری است که از قبول هر مسئولیتی در خانه شانه خالی می کندو تختش راهم مادرش مرتب می کند.
این همان پسر جوان خدوم و مهربان است!!
-دست پسر به جایی می خورد و زخم می شود.دختر چشمانش را از ترحم می بندد و در نهایت عاطفه می گوید:“الهی بمیرم. می سوزه؟“
و فوری دستمالی از کیفش در می آورد و می گوید:“آرش جان اینو بذار روی دستت“.
پسر که از این حرکت به ذوق آمده برای جلب عاطفه و کلام عاشقانه بیشتر,طوری دندان هایش را به هم فشار می دهد گویی زخم شمشیر خورده و دارد تحملش می کند!
دختر:بمیرم,می سوزه,آره؟من باعث شدم؟ببخشید.رفتی برای من سس بیاری این طوری شد؟
پسر حس خوبی دارد.آرزو می کرد تیر خورده بود و الان در اغما بود.چه دختر مهربانی!
این پسر غافل از این است که این همان دختری است که وقتی مادرش صدایش می زند تا در چیدن میز شام کمکش کند,از اتاقش در نهایت بی ادبی فریاد می زند:“مگه نمی بینی دارم با تلفن حرف می زنم؟“
ممکن است کسانی ادعا کنند اگر با دختر یا پسری,شش ماه,یا یک سال بروی و بیایی,آرام آرام رفتارهای واقعی اش بروز می کند و می شود او را شناخت.یعنی هرچه رابطه طولانی تر شود رفتارهای واقعی آشکارتر می شود و رفتار های تصنعی,مختص روزهای اول است.
در صورتی که این چنین نیست.تا زمانی که من به جلب تاییدوتحسین و نظر موافق طرف مقابلم نیاز دارم,چه برای ادامه ی دوستی چه برای ازدواج,رفتار های تصنعی من نیز ادامه دارد.
بنابراین یادتان باشد که در هنگام دوستی ها معمولا همه مودب تر,مرتب تر, معطرتر, فداکارتر و باسخاوت تر و شوخ طبع ترند و غالبا رفتار این دخترهاوپسرها در خانه بسیار متفاوت تر است تا در کافی شاپ.دقت کنید که از رفتارهای غیرواقعی و مجازی,هرگز نمی توان به شناخت درست و واقعی از یک فرد دست پیدا کرد.
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